Latrina, Lexine, Lolita, and Lulu

our lady peace, somewhere out there, naming, l, lillian, baby, sweet, daughters, tiny, fire in the loins, monica, phyllis, calling, lucretia, lucy, fonda, mowing the lawn, green, brown, windows, fire, french, female, comedians, dill, lady, lord, clarissa, itch, powder, pants, brothers, hair, stock, outlandish, hits, titles, diminished, russian, wolves, woman, eyes, big, pop, chase, blizzards, derivatives, generations, loki, latin, spanish, italian, one, light, cotton candy, dye, day, class, power, ernie, toilet, daughters, girls, dogs, angry, answers, silly, questions, white house, clara, singing "la la" about loneliness, services, protection, original, mischievous, gender, michael jackson, janet jackson, janet, charlie brown, away, stealing, creation, hate, clubs, fluid, real, classics, action, suggestions, norse, newspapers, boiled sheep, much hardship and trouble, faces, office, equipment, gods, quiche, trickery, little, envelopes, material, post office, vending machines, fire, vlad the impaler, novels, obsession, traps, louisa, doozy, flights, phrases, brands, wardrobe malfunctions, supplies, off, tenderness, partners, deer, affairs, desert eagle, love, islands, charlie brown, political, internships, eggs, dishes, mad, birds, night, eating, rules, stupid names, need, touch, routine, crust, cyborg name, what, no, books, 2005, amusement, lists, babies, names, joe, baby's named a bad bad thing, water, food, tv shows, michael, parents, songs, football, comics, characters, grace, eunice,


This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

L

Laalaa: One of the four colorful Teletubbies - we're not sure which one. Name a child this, turn on daytime TV, and you'll know soon enough.

LaBerta: In French, the feminine for Bert. Or so her parents would like to think...

LaDoya: One of the original Jackson 6. After sprinkling itchy powder into her brother Michael's pants, she was quickly relegated to wardrobe consultant. She is currently employed by her sister, Janet.

Lady: Give a girl a touch of class! No need to marry a lord - this girl's a real powerhouse in her own right. Also, a popular name for female water dogs.

LaFawnduh: The answer an angry Frenchman might give when asked a silly question about the gender of a deer. Also, someone who might work as a political intern in the White House and engage in an extramarital affair.

Lakeesha: A lightly crusted egg dish that real Frenchmen don't eat.

LaPhyllis: A French female comedian known for her rapid-fire stand-up routines and outlandish hair.

Larissa: Russian diminutive of Lara. Suggests a beautiful, tiny woman with big eyes who could drive a troika in a blizzard while being chased by wolves.

Latrina: Why not just name a daughter Toilet and be done? Concerned in-laws should call child protective services now.

Launa: Spanish or Italian derivative for "The One." Also, the name of a pop hit by a second-generation Latin heartthrob.

Lawn: A light cotton fabric, often dyed in pale colors. Also, that vast expanse of green (or brown) outside your window.

Lexine: Material used to make the little envelopes that contain stamps in post office vending machines.

Lillian: Your grandmother's mahjong partner.

Loki: Norse god of mischief or trickery. Phlegm.

Lolita: Variant of Lola. Also, the subject of Vladimir Nabokov's novel of obsession. Are you ready to name your sweet baby daughter after a nymphet who first evoked the phrase "Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins" there?

Lonica: Girl of a thousand faces. Also, an off-brand supplier of office equipment.

Lovee: Though trapped on a desert island with six others, she never lost her sense of privileged superiority through the hardship!

Lucinda / Lucy / Lucia: Will steal the football away from tenderhearted, round-headed boys. May inspire the creation of a He-Man Woman Hater's club.

Lucretia (loo-KREE-sha) - The excretion of fluids caused by watching live-action remakes of classic Dr. Seuss stories.

Lulu: Variant of Louisa. Also, variation of "doozy" in old '30s movies that included the madcap heiress and the hard-boiled newspaperman as their stock characters.

Luny: An insane bird known for its less-than-graceful flight.

Xing, Yaqui, Yule, and Zachary

our lady peace, big dumb rocket, pronunciation, trees, naming, night, rules, stupid names, exceptions, last names, cyborg name, what, no, zach, zachary, guess you'll have to wait more, england, new, yoda, dance, zion, future, logs, families, zing, wine, purple, grapes, cousins, jewish, genres, blending, market, master, failure, baldness, caffeine nebula, clubs, cravings, cream, cakes, snacks, fillings, frost, avoidance, greek, burning, ancient, long, chemicals, hair, yucky, instruments, wacky, jedi, yogaclass4cats, tide, overweight, slang, popular, sticky things, icky, bears, smart, peanut butter and jelly, zakk wylde, dishes, nose, air, jacob, planets, leah patrick, sons, practice, eating, decoration, dead, puberty, silly, western, wind, ripping, hot, musicians, streets, anxiety, led zeppelin, ego, definitions, god, gifts, self-esteem, israel, tribes, planets, pulp fiction, quentin tarantino, motorcycles, pawn shops, sodomy and lust, dirty, cops, zeke town, greek gods, heaven, rulers, dogs, david bowie, bob marley, pot, smoking, ziggy stardust, zippers, pinhead, olympics, reggae, searching, lj seek, depression, zephyrcrow, zebedee, farts, nicknames, drinking, bars, frat boys, cartoons, issues, jagermeister, x, y, z, boys, woman, joe, baby's named a bad bad thing, books, 2005, amusement, lists, babies, names, chinese, drugs, john, japan, holidays, christmas, bibles, george, music, comics, characters,


This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

X

Xing (zhing) - A neutral name. From a popular Chinese surname meaning "born of women." A punchline. The child will most likely crave cream-filled, frosted snack cakes.

Xion (ZIE-on) - Underground dance club and headquarters for humanity in the future.


Y

Yanni: Greek form of John. One who plays woodwind instruments and sports long, chemically curled hair.

Yaqui (YAH-kee) - Not good. Nicknames will include "yucky," "icky," and "sticky." Most likely a nose picker. Also, a fine Japanese dish.

Yeager (YAY-ger) - Slang for "time to get drunk." Popular in bars and fraternities.

Yoder: The New England pronunciation for Yoda, the ancient and revered Jedi master.

Yogi: A person of the Yoga persuasion. Also, overweight from eating too many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Smarter than the average bear.

Yule: A gaudily-decorated chunk of dead tree burned during the Christmas holiday. Families with the surnames Log or Tide should avoid this name entirely.


Z

Zachary / Zack: All variations of "wacky" will be used to describe this child. Toward puberty, it will take on a meaning other than "silly."

Zann: Street slang for a prescription anti-anxiety drug. This child will be afraid of nearly everything.

Zebediah: Child will be plagued by a big ego over the literal definition of his name ("God's gift"), but confounded by a low self-esteem over the fact that nobody else knows what it means.

Zebulon: In the Bible, a son of Jacob and Leah. He was the forebear of one of the tribes of Israel. A planet within the fourth Centauri nebula.

Zed: The sodomy-enthralled pawn shop owner from the Quentin Tarantino film Pulp Fiction. The child will most likely have a proclivity for choppers (as opposed to motorcycles), and is likely to associate with dirty cops.

Zeeman: Uh-huh. You said "Zeeman."

Zeke: Early English form of "search." "Zeke, and you shall find."

Zelig: Depression-era man made famous for his chameleon abilities to become like those he is with. Exception to the rule: If Orwell's prophecy comes true, name away.

Zephyr: The west wind. A fart, as in "Did you rip that Zephyr?"

Zeppelin: From the famous musicians of Led Zeppelin. A large, rigid blimp filled with hot air.

Zeus: Greek god of the heavens. Ruler and most powerful of the Olympians. A name better used for large guard dogs.

Ziggy: A bald, bulbous-headed cartoon character with self-esteem issues. A pot-smoking member of the reggae genre of music.

Zindel: A failed blend of purple grape overshadowed and beaten to market by its less Jewish cousin.

Zippie: Prone to rapid-fire flatulence. Often called a pinhead.