Xing, Yaqui, Yule, and Zachary

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This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

X

Xing (zhing) - A neutral name. From a popular Chinese surname meaning "born of women." A punchline. The child will most likely crave cream-filled, frosted snack cakes.

Xion (ZIE-on) - Underground dance club and headquarters for humanity in the future.


Y

Yanni: Greek form of John. One who plays woodwind instruments and sports long, chemically curled hair.

Yaqui (YAH-kee) - Not good. Nicknames will include "yucky," "icky," and "sticky." Most likely a nose picker. Also, a fine Japanese dish.

Yeager (YAY-ger) - Slang for "time to get drunk." Popular in bars and fraternities.

Yoder: The New England pronunciation for Yoda, the ancient and revered Jedi master.

Yogi: A person of the Yoga persuasion. Also, overweight from eating too many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Smarter than the average bear.

Yule: A gaudily-decorated chunk of dead tree burned during the Christmas holiday. Families with the surnames Log or Tide should avoid this name entirely.


Z

Zachary / Zack: All variations of "wacky" will be used to describe this child. Toward puberty, it will take on a meaning other than "silly."

Zann: Street slang for a prescription anti-anxiety drug. This child will be afraid of nearly everything.

Zebediah: Child will be plagued by a big ego over the literal definition of his name ("God's gift"), but confounded by a low self-esteem over the fact that nobody else knows what it means.

Zebulon: In the Bible, a son of Jacob and Leah. He was the forebear of one of the tribes of Israel. A planet within the fourth Centauri nebula.

Zed: The sodomy-enthralled pawn shop owner from the Quentin Tarantino film Pulp Fiction. The child will most likely have a proclivity for choppers (as opposed to motorcycles), and is likely to associate with dirty cops.

Zeeman: Uh-huh. You said "Zeeman."

Zeke: Early English form of "search." "Zeke, and you shall find."

Zelig: Depression-era man made famous for his chameleon abilities to become like those he is with. Exception to the rule: If Orwell's prophecy comes true, name away.

Zephyr: The west wind. A fart, as in "Did you rip that Zephyr?"

Zeppelin: From the famous musicians of Led Zeppelin. A large, rigid blimp filled with hot air.

Zeus: Greek god of the heavens. Ruler and most powerful of the Olympians. A name better used for large guard dogs.

Ziggy: A bald, bulbous-headed cartoon character with self-esteem issues. A pot-smoking member of the reggae genre of music.

Zindel: A failed blend of purple grape overshadowed and beaten to market by its less Jewish cousin.

Zippie: Prone to rapid-fire flatulence. Often called a pinhead.