Delightra, Dixie, Effie, and Evangeline

our lady peace, innocent, asking, naming, daisy, leaving, early, city, farms, big, running, chewing, network, offers, priscilla, down, america, yo, dee dee king, dee dee ramone, pools, fear, bipolar disorder, sweetheart of the rodeo, little, cows, desire, country, cities, meats, fossil fuel, lunch, processing, soda, blooming daffodils, drinks, servants, french maids, jeans, penchant, sizes, small, boys, pants ripping in the crotch, vietnamese, night, snacks, shell shock, location, dollar bill, kicking ass, confusion, divine comedy, divinity, dix, shemales, egypt, rivers, denial, nile, marcy playground, metal, strategy, grandmothers, d, e, leslie, ann, lizzie, methods, goth, trucks, crispy, bleep, censorship, smile, gum, crack, serpents, snakes, asia, lee, deals, ernest hemingway, blending, special, use, rides, trades, discoveries, removal, marks, penis, anus, sugar, leaks, delicious, mental, scars, physical, old, no tv evangelistic church shows, evangelizing, sermons, $105 flu shot dealies, gender, identity, knowing what's up, what's up, comfort, seats, services, property, shifting, ladies, paying, relatives, rooms, aunts, profanity, tape, delay, visiting, oil, axes, stars, murderers, makeup, liver, addicting, talk show, hosting, late-night entertainment, breasts, pencil, holidays, getting erased, dinner, support, slow, europe, cows, pretty, starbucks, coffee, dodgeball, substitution, delight, eyes, ears, dogs, big, groups, destiny, discounts, bed, expression, darn, waitresses, availability, frozen, strippers, fate, rum, eviction, taste, fruit, work, garden of eden, adam and eve, girls, hair, queens, wrath, salty, gas, stupid names, flowers, kids, perfect, banana, coconut, tarantulas, drag queens, buses, atacama desert, broken, life, creation, bible, home, strawberry daiquiri, cyborg name, what, no, books, 2005, amusement, lists, babies, names, joe, baby's named a bad bad thing, danielle, jim, danny, elizabeth, pat, chris, friends, dan, alcoholic drinks, dominic, games,


This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

D

Dachele (duh-SHELL) - Source of processed fossil fuel, high-nitrate lunch meats, and gallon-sized carbonated beverages. "Where did you get dat 180-ounce soda and Slim Jim snack?" "Down at Dachele."

Daffodil: An early bloomer who leaves the farm to try to make it in the big city.

Daisy: A desirable country cow or front-parlor maid. All the boys will ask for a dollop of Daisy. Also, child will have a penchant for old Levis, cut at the crotch, several sizes too small.

DaNae: Vietnamese city known for its strategic location during the Tet Offensive.

Danetta: The lady who sets your grandmother's hair in little metal curlers.

Danielle: A bipolar rodeo queen Do not call her Danny, or you'll have good reason to fear her wrath.

D'Ann: Friend of Pat, Chris, or Leslie. D'Ann will have gender identity confusion throughout her life.

Daquari: A frozen, rum-based alcoholic beverage best served poolside.

Darnese: A method of expressing exasperation. "Darnese kids! They keep trampling my flower bed."

D'Asia: Didn't you already name your child this? It just sounds so familiar.

Dee-Lee: Member of the male genitalia. Also, what's up or what's happening. "Don't touch his Dee-Lee." "What's the Dee-Lee, yo?"

Déja: I swear you already named a child this. Didn't you?

Delightra: A delicious substitute for sugar. May cause anal leakage.

Demeatrice: A second-rate S&M practitioner. Group discounts available.

Deputy: Will have hangdog eyes and big ears.

Destiny: Kismet, fate. Also, a stripper.

Divine: Loveable but scary transvestite. Looked best in a housecoat.

Dixie: Perfect for a shemale, whether an exhibitionist or voyeur.

D'Nay (duh-NYE) - To assert adamantly that something did not happen. Also, a river in Egypt.

Dodge: Children's playground game that leaves mental and physical scars.

Dominiqua: A small banana republic in Central America. The chief exports are coconuts, sisal, and tarantulas.

Drucilla: A great drag name, particularly if one is heading across the desert in a broken-down tour bus.


E

Eden: The garden from which life sprang with the creation of Adam and Eve. Home also of the wily serpent that offered Eve a taste of the forbidden fruit and led to the first eviction. Nice work, Eve.

Edna: The great-ant that comes to visit and takes over your room. The trade-off for the lingering old-lady smell is a crisp two-dollar bill.

Effie: Network censor who bleeps out all profanity for tape delay.

Elizabeth / Lizzy: An ax-wielding murderess and preteen star.

Elvira: Large-breasted, Gothic late-late-night talk show host.

Emeline: A thick, oil-based emollient used to remove mascara in the late '50s before it was discovered to have addictive properties and cause liver deterioration.

Erasmus: A holiday for the eradication of stray pencil marks.

Ernestine: Kick-ass, gum-chewing truck stop waitress who can serve the entire dinner shift without cracking a smile or running her support hose.

Europa: A slow, bovine girl with pretty eyes. Also, a specialized Starbucks blend.

Evangeline: Bus service notable for comfy seats and in-ride sermons.